I Was Always Gone
by ribbonandbuttons
Summary: Seth coping with Summer. Oneshot.


I don't own The OC.

* * *

_Your eyes, they sparkled _

_That's all changed into lies _

_That drop like acid rain _

_You washed away the best of me _

_You don't care._

Seth had watched Summer self destruct slowly. She never really talked to him and he never tried to talk to her. He just let her go on, on her own. She seemed to like it that way. Always telling him that she just needed to deal on her own. That Seth didn't understand. But Seth did understand. He had lost Marissa too. Sure he hadn't been as close as Summer and Ryan but he still missed her a little. Plus he had to deal with Ryan and Summer spiralling into their own little worlds without thinking of Seth. Both thinking he didn't care about them or Marissa.

When he moved to Providence he thought it would get better. A new start. Ryan had took a year out to deal with the loss of Marissa and having her die in his arms. Summer had said she would leave in January with Seth. So Seth was left in Newport with them all until after Christmas. All trying to bring her back with tears and not moving on. Summer resented Seth for "moving on". For staying strong and for him trying to help her. She thought she didn't need help and that Seth was just bringing her down because he was so happy.

When Seth and Summer arrived in Providence Neil thought it was better if Summer stayed with Seth in an apartment. To keep her with someone she knew and loved. To keep her safe and happy. Neil was wrong. Slowly as school got in the way of both of their lives the living situation got steadily worse. Summer had to keep up with all the "smarter" people at Brown and Seth was stuck with art projects that took hard work and lots of time. Around March Seth had to work with a partner. Gemma was cute. She had short strawberry blonde hair and a boyfriend. They worked for a week on the project. Seth always having to leave to tend to Summer. To make her dinner and make sure she went to sleep. To keep her away from the ice cream parlour down the street and the valley box set in the living room. Gemma confronted him and made him stay late one night to help with the project. When he got home it was after 2 in the morning and Summer was passed out on the couch. Vodka beside the empty ice cream carton and The Valley blaring on the TV. Seth started leaving earlier and earlier in the morning to get away from Summer's constant hangovers and home late to carry her into the bedroom after she had passed out. It was easier.

Gemma made a pass at him in June. Seth accepted and slept with her. He and Summer hadn't had sex since Valentines day. When school broke off Gemma made out with him in the school grounds in front of everyone in their year. People clapped and cheered. Seth felt like killing himself. Gemma broke up with her boyfriend 2 days later. She met him at the airport when he and Summer were going home for the Summer. Summer was too hung over to process. Gemma thought she was his sister. She hugged him tight saying she couldn't wait til September.

Ryan and Summer moped all Summer. The year anniversary hit him harder than her because she was drunk. Seth watched from the side lines with his parents as they stood at her grave. Summer staring Ryan shaking with grief. Sandy put Seth down for not trying hard enough. Kirsten showed her disappointment by ignoring him. Neil told Seth that he would get Summer a dorm room. Maybe she needed to be surrounded by new people. Seth took it all in his stride. When Neil rang him at 3 in the morning demanding that Summer return to his house Seth realised that Summer had disappeared. Seth said he would help look. Kirsten said that Ryan was already looking. Sandy said that Seth wasn't much of a boyfriend not keeping an eye on her.

The next day Seth returned to Providence. To Gemma's apartment. They slept together again. And again. And every night til September when Seth moved into the dorms at RISD. He ignored Gemma aftetr that. Focusing on school until November when Summer finally called him. He went to her apartment closer to Brown around 3pm. She was asleep. She looked better. She didn't look drunk. Seth kissed her head and left again. He didn't hear from her til Christmas when he returned to Newport. She was smiling. She had started eating again.

"Cohen we haven't spoke in nearly 4 months." Summer said quietly. She was fiddling with her braclet that Seth didn't recognise. Seth nodded.

"Do you think this is working?" Summer asked.

"No." Seth whispered. "I think it stopped working before we went east."

Summer looked up and into his eyes. They looked tired. Summer knew she had made them tired.

"You don't understand." Summer whispered.

"No Summer you don't understand." Seth said in a low forceful voice. "I watched you destroy yourself. I couldn't help if I wanted to. I got blamed by my parents by your dad. You were looked upon as the poor best friend. What happened to the poor boyfriend? The man thatcouldn't even keep a check on Summer?"

Summer looked up. "Seth don't go."

"Summer. I was always gone."

Seth flew back to Providence the very next day. He heard from a friend that Summer had transferred to UCLA. Seth took her place at Brown. He ignored the calls from his parents and Ryan for 2 years until he graduated. He ignored them right after that aswell. Until he got one from Summer. Saying that she wished she had never pushed him away and that he shouldcome home. So he vowed never to go home ever again.

_You know you did it _

_I'm gone _

_To find someone to live for in this world _

_There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight _

_Just a bridge that I gotta burn _

_You were wrong _

_If you think you can walk right through my door _

_That is just so you _

_Coming back when I've finally moved on _

_I'm already gone _

Gone- Kelly Clarkson


End file.
